Curse of the Log Book

Memenuhkan log book family medicine adalah satu ujian yang sangat hebat dalam hidupku. Aku jarang merasa stress yang extreme. Tapi semalam, aku mengalami stress tu. The log book is not a curse, but u curse yourself by delaying it.

Having nobody to talk to in the middle of the night, i manage to cope with my stress. Alhamdulillah. Macam2 yang aku buat utk bagi hilang mengantuk. Apart from bancuh nescafe, aku try download lagu, and baca berita2 politik dan hal semasa. Tu yg drag masa sampai pukul 4am. Habis je study group malam tu, terus pulun utk completekan log book yang sangat banyak perlu diisi. Sampai ibu jariku kemerahan melecet.

Akibatnya, kene have rest on & off utk bagi ibu jari berehat. Rehat sekejap2 kadang2 tak menjadi utk bagi relieve kesakitan yang ditanggung ibu jari, but what to do, salah sendiri sebab siapkan last minute. Until at one time around 3am, aku rasa betul2 nak muntah dengan log book ni. Bukan main2, tetapi terasa loya sungguh.  Aku pun pelik, apa lah pathophysiology nausea ni dgn log book fam med. Aku cuba matikan loya tu. Dan aku start having palpitation and tremor. I talked to myself, i'm starting to have hypoglycaemia pulak dah.

Pegi cari air panas, bancuh milo. Lega sket symptom2 tadi. Otak dah penat, tp paksa juga badan utk still go on dgn log book, tinggal sket je lagi yg perlu diisi, tp semangat makin luntur. And really, at this time, memang need someone to talk to nak release kan stress2 yang extremely memuncak. But somehow, i do believe i have Allah, aku duduk berhenti sekejap, dan beristighfar sambil melelapkan mata. Praise be only to Allah, the feeling of peacefulness creeps slowly into my heart.

Sekali sekala, terimbas kenangan dgn sahabat2 rapat sepanjang beberapa tahun ni, our ups and downs, we are together. Saat2 bergaduh, saat2 bergelak ketawa, saat2 quarrel just for a silly mistake, owh, that's really take 5 years to be having such a friend. If only i could have the time machine to reverse back the time, but astaghfirullah, that's what Allah give to us to learn, right? As a human on this Earth, we keep learning everyday, from our friends, our environments; not only our books i supposed. And sometimes, thinking about the future, what's going to happen next in my own "drama" di atas pentas dunia ni.

Whatever it takes, alone or together, i still need to go on. I believe, Allah won't test me beyond my ability to handle all these stress, and i need just to be positive, or in other words, bersangka baik dengan segala yang ditakdirkan. 

Back to the story, and to make things worse, badan dan otak pun penat. So, aku decide nak berehat "sekejap" utk rest kan tangan. Tidur jam 4am, and kunci jam pukul 5am. Berazam sungguh2 nak bangun awal utk siapkan logbook, but unfortunately, tgk2 bangun jam dah pukul 7am!

Kalut terus dgn logbook and study group yang nak dibuat pagi tu. Apa lagi, cakar ayamlah jadinya logbook tu. Mujur tinggal sket je lagi nak siapkan. With 3 hours of sleep, i began to start my day with full satisfaction (sebab puas hati dpt penuhkan logbook). Whatever the result that will come, redha aje lah. Yang penting dah usaha. And now, it's time to focus for profesional 3.

We're not alone, as long as we have faith in Allah.